Boats, monkeys, tubes
After bobbing in the lakehouses for two days, we left on lengthily boats, the kind you see in movies about the Vietnam war, expect rather than powering them by paddles or perhaps being propelled sheerly by the navigator meditating on the concept of movement, modern Thais have added what must be a diesel tractor engine to the back, its spluttering coughing engine primarily producing metres of black smoke and a lot of noise pollution, as well the byproduct of just enough kinetic energy to rotate the tiny propeller and move us forward in the water.

After the longtail boat and a truck ride of a couple of hours (I managed to snag a ride in the airconditioned cabin, while everyone else sat on two planks in the back) we arrived right on the other side of the national park, at Art's Bungalows. Art's was a very peaceful location, in front of another big lump of limestone mountain, with the river flowing meekly past. In the evenings a little band of monkeys would venture out to play, scratch themselves, swim into the water to catch bread thrown by the German kids, and randomly engage in not-entirely-consensual rumpy-pumpy.

The day after we arrived, we went tubing down the river. Because it was dry season, the river lacked about a foot of water that would've protected my derriere from the bumps of rocks as we moved gently downstream. I felt a sense of true peace descend on me as I bobbed downstream, my head resting back on the tube to look back to see the trees and bushes meeting the curves to the river, hearing only the swish and tumble of the water. Then I looked back up to see our Thai river guide winning a place in my heart forever by handing me a new bottle of Singha. It was one of the moments that I travel for.

Cicadas
About a week later we were camping on the island of Koh Rok. I was hoping for a similar sense of peace and total relaxation to descend on me, but my frame of mind was disturbed slightly by the oppressive and continuous whine of cicadas, pitched at the perfect tone to eventually but inevitably lead to human madness. I filled in more than an hour or two daydreaming about the perfect way to commit genocide to my little insect friends, and I'd like to share the results with you.

1 - The preferred option - through the employment of previously-untapped superpowers, to snap my fingers and have every cicada on the island fall from every tree, inert and lifeless, its brittle wings to torment me no more.

Some details need to be considered in the implementation of this strategy. First - how to unleash said superpowers. Second - need to ensure that cicadas don't hold a niche in the Koh Rok environment that prevents the rise in vast numbers of an even louder and more sanity-challenging insect. Would hate to see my carefully developed superpowers applied only to find cicadas are only natural predators of an even more annoying insect - perhaps crickets whose mating call is The Best of John Denver, and which know how to use the island's PA system. (Note to self - check that PA system is cricket-proof as first step).

2 - Choose one cicada (the one who burrowed into my shirt last night over dinner and stayed there unknown to me for several hours seems as good a candidate as any) and infect it with insect plague, which quickly spreads across the entire population. The virus lies inert until the cicada begins rubbing its wings together when - phfoot - the insect spontaneously explodes and all that remains is a gentle falling mist of insect goo.

3- Publish nasty, spiteful review of the cicada singing in the Koh Rok Times. Wait for sensitive cicada artistic temperament to take offence and watch as cicadas leave island in huff.

4 - Ring friend on mobile phone, casually mention that we have come across a militant branch of communist Al-Qaeda reading the New Yorker. Retreat to water as Donald Rumsfeld personally drops enough Agent Orange and laser-guided missiles to level island, including cicadas. Emerge from water and enjoy the serenity.

This option has bonus of not needing to carry out potentially long and certainly boring evaluation of islands ecosystem - no chance of more annoying insect rising to dominance when the whole place will be annihilated!